To Die For: 3 Things St. Valentine Taught Me About Marriage
It’s almost the most romantic day of the year: Valentine’s Day. Or, actually Saint Valentine’s Day. Did you know that Valentine’s Day is actually the feast day of a Catholic priest? Yeah, I know. Catholics are crazy cool! So, who was this guy and why is he associated with love, romance, flowers, and chocolate?
Saint Valentine was a priest who lived in Rome in the third century. The Roman Emperor at the time, Claudius, was very anti-Christian and launched a lot of persecution at the Catholic Church. Claudius led Rome in several military campaigns, which required many soldiers. A lot of young men at the time were reluctant to fight for Claudius because they were afraid that if they were killed in battle, their wives and children would be left without anyone to care for them. He believed that unmarried men would be better fighters since they had no families to worry about. So, in an effort to gain more recruits to the military, Claudius made it illegal for young couples in Rome to be married.
Valentine caught word of this and refused to give in to the Emperor’s law. As a priest, who knew the beauty and importance of Christian marriage, he continued secretly marrying young couples who were in love. Eventually, Valentine was caught and imprisoned for his actions. Claudius commanded that he be killed. On February 14, Valentine was brought before the Roman Prefect, where he was beaten to death with clubs and beheaded. Yikes.. not too romantic, huh?
Valentine was declared a Saint of the Church and his feast day became a remembrance of love and the beauty of Christian marriage. Over time, this developed into some of the practices we have today.
So, what can we learn from St. Valentine?
1. Marriage rocks!
St. Valentine believed that marriage was so good and such an important sign of God’s love to the world that he risked his own life so that young couples could get married. We often take marriage for granted because it’s just so common. But, marriage is a visible reminder to us of God’s love and it should be celebrated. As the Catechism of the Catholic Church reminds us, “Authentic married love is caught up into divine love,” (1639). St. Valentine knew that God created men and women for marriage by making us male and female. The love of a husband and a wife is a good and holy thing that is meant to point us back to the love of God for us. St. Valentine was thankful to God for the gift of marriage.
2. Living Together Isn’t Enough
Some people might think: “What’s the big deal? If the Emperor didn’t want people to get married, why didn’t they just live together and not worry about the whole marriage thing?” Good question. The couples that came to St. Valentine to be married knew that it wasn’t enough for them to just live together. They knew that they were called to commit their lives to each other in marriage. Today, nearly 75 percent of women ages 30 or younger said they've lived with a partner outside of marriage. According to the National Center for Health Statistics, 1 in 4 women ages 15 to 44 in the U.S. have lived with a man by the time they’re 20. By the time they’re 30, that ratio increases to 3 in 4. Lots of people think it’s more convenient to live together before marriage and see it as a kind of “test run.” What most people don’t know is that the divorce rate skyrockets among couples that live together before marriage compared to those who don’t live together until after their wedding. St. Valentine and his companions believed that it was worth it for them to risk their lives in order to be married. It wasn’t an inconvenience or a burden. They wanted to be married and reflect God’s love to the world through their relationship. We can learn something from their appreciation for marriage.
3. True Marriage is Worth Fighting For
St. Valentine stood up for the dignity of Christian marriage and it cost him his life. To him, it didn’t matter what the government said; or anyone else for that matter. He knew the value of marriage and was willing to stand up for it despite pressure to give in to the ideas of the day. There’s a lot of pressure on Christians today to recognize marriage as something other than the union of one man and one woman in Christ. No matter what types of unions become legal in our country or how much we are persecuted for our beliefs, we can stand with St. Valentine and be willing to be persecuted for the sake of marriage. We can take heart in the words of Christ: “Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man. Rejoice and leap for joy on that day! Behold, your reward will be great in heaven. For their ancestors treated the prophets in the same way” (Luke 6:22-23).
St. Valentine’s tomb is in the Whitefriars Street Church in Dublin, Ireland. My wife and I took a pilgrimage there and got to pray for his intercession (which was super cool)! Here are some pictures of what it looks like. St. Valentine, pray for us!
About the Author
Jake Stanley
I enjoy playing the guitar, the great outdoors, and any sport that involves a ball (except water polo). I firmly believe that Pluto will always be a planet. Jesus completely changed my life when I was in high school so I’m a big fan of His. I strive to be more like Him every day. Follow me on Twitter @moderncatholic1.
